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Finding a Mate

There are very few issues that are more important in the life of a believer than whom to date and eventually marry.

If you have a call of God on your life then the issue is even that much more important.  God does not call individuals, He calls families to serve Him and if you believe that you are called to vocational ministry this issue of a mate is of the utmost concern.

Are you struggling with loneliness?  God does care, but the worst possible solution to the problem is to get a permanent mate to deal with this temporary feeling.  If you have been in Christ a short time and suffer with depression due to loneliness dating someone is the exact opposite of the solution you need.  In fact, if you are new in Christ I always advise people to stay single for a season.  A good long season. Spend time with Jesus and get rooted and grounded in His love.  Chances are you are using a boyfriend/girlfriend to fill a void He can only fill.  Once you are complete in Christ you will find the urge for “someone” will not be the same.  And that is good.

If you have been in Christ for some time and your mate has not come along despite the fact that you desire to marry it may be time for a personal assessment.

1. Are you right with God?
   Christian, a mate is a blessing from God.  He is not going to marry off His son or daughter to some backslidden heathen.  If you think that you will stop sinning, or come out of your depression, or lose your anxiety or whatever you are dealing with if only God brought you a mate, know that you are going to get someone in the same relative spiritual state that you are in.
   Use this time to work some things out.
2. Are you dating someone who is not saved?
   Repent and trust God for a godly mate.  Don’t waste your time asking God to bless the sin you are in.
3. Do you brush your teeth? Wash your hair?  Wear somewhat attractive clothes?  Have a job?
   I am not trying to be carnal but you might be a little too spiritual.  There is a natural aspect to this whole thing.  If you are grossly overweight or you refuse to buy new clothes in an effort to test the spiritual maturity of a possible mate then you may be masking insecurities.  Go to God and ask Him to heal you so you can receive your other half.
   I am not saying you have to be a slave to fashion or dress like the world but it is amazing how much more attractive a person is when they wear new clothes that are in style.  Ladies, dress like the woman you want to be.  Dress like a slut and you will attract men who are looking for a slut.  Dress like an old maid and you will attract other women to invite you to the book club.  Dress like a pastor’s wife and you will attract a future pastor.  Fellas – repeat after me.  “If I wear a hole in something I will no longer wear it.  I will get haircuts.  I will shave.  I will dress like I care how I look.”  ’nuff said.
4. Are you living in the realm of reality?
   Not every woman is going to marry Donnie McClurkin or one of the Jonas brothers.  Not every man is going to marry the worship leader.  Are you looking to get a blessing or be a blessing?
5. Do you want to fall in love or not be lonely?
   I know too many women who view marriage as a spiritual stepping stone in the Christian path of maturity.  Because of a false teaching they removed all emotion from the Christian marriage reducing it to something the FLDS would advocate.  Marriage is the ultimate expression of love.  Jesus loves us and at the end of the age we will be His bride.  The love of that event will be uneclipsed.  Allow yourself to be swept off your feet with emotion.

I know that if you have been single for a while this very subject can be painful.  But allow the Holy Spirit to heal the hurt and disappointment.  Stay in faith.  Look around and ask the Holy Ghost to allow you to fall in love as a foreshadowing of the Great Day.  He is the God of Love.

But if you are holding some people in the wings as a possible back up plan in case God does not come through, well…